| Before sex, you help eachother get naked, after sex you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you're f*cked |
| -Do you speak English?
-Yes
-Name?
-Adolf Bumin.
-Sex?
-3 to 5 times a week.
-No, I mean..male/female?
-Yes, male,female and sometimes camels.
-Holy cow!
-Yes, cows, sheep...Animals in general.
-Oh dear,
-No, deer runs too fast. |
| Teacher:"I'm calling your parents!"
Elementary Student:NOOOOOO,"I'll be good!"
Middle School Student:"Pshhh,whatever!"
High School Student: "Hahaha tell my mom I said Hi!" :P
|
| Voldemort: I whip my hair back and forth, I whip my hair back and forth, I whip my hair back and forth....
Harry: You have no hair .
Voldemort: You have no parents
Harry: You have no nose
Voldemort: .... |
| Katy Perry's living her Teenage Dream..
Lady Gaga's ignoring her Telephone..
Travie McCoy's is a Billionaire..
While Justin Bieber is having a Baby. |
| Brother - "Hey dad, i got a girlfriend :)"
Dad - "Good job son"
Sister - "Hey daddy, i got a boyfriend :)"
Dad - *loads shotgun* |
| I know how to solve this Joseph Kony problem.
Two words.
Demba Ba. |
| If I sleep to much, my parents complain. If I don’t get enough sleep, my parents complain. If I eat too much, my parents complain. If I don’t eat enough, my parents complain. If I’m always in my room, my parents complain. If I go out too much, my parents complain. I CAN’T WIN.
|
| "Dude! She just call-" "You know what? I don't care what she just called me. To be honest, I'm slightly confused as to how you keep hearing what she just said without me being aware of it, as we are obviously in close proximity. Oh, and another thing, how many things can you hold? Seriously? You already have my turtle, black ops, cake, and mascara, amongst other things. Just, just stop. Please. |
| I have lived threw 01.01.01, 02.02.02, 03.03.03, 04.04.04, 05.05.05, 06.06.06, 07.07.07, 08.08.08, 09.09.09, 10.10.10
BRING IT ON, 11.11.11 & 12.12.12, THIS ONLY HAPPENS EVERY 1000 years so apreciate |
| Harry: *sneezes* you jealous?
Voldermort: pfft, no! of course not :|
Harry: *brushes his hair* what about now?
Voldermort: ...
|
| Ellen Suffling Is A Little Sket And Her Boyfriend Is A Cheat :L She's Had More Than one Abortion Jus Like Her Mummy ;) |
| Forget turtles, I love broccoli, just sat there all like
"Hey I'm a broccoli, I'm just gonna sit here pretending to be a miniature tree, I know my colours aren't quite right for a tree but I don't mind because I'm easy-going. Doesn't matter if you don't want to eat me, it's all cool, I'm not that nice anyway, and I'm content practising my tree pose" |
| I'm sorry I don't have glamorous hair, perfect skin, the straightest teeth, or the best body. I'm sorry I don't doll myself up all the time and that I wear those baggy shirts around the house. I'm sorry that I like to eat junk food once in a while and I'm sorry that I'm not a fitness guru. I'm sorry I'm not like some of the other girls. But the funniest thing of all, is that I'm not sorry at all. |
| the annoying moment when your in the van and u realise theres no sweets |
| That awkward moment when you finish a TV show series and you don't know what to do with your life anymore. |
